There are many right ways and many wrong ways to solve problems between people who love each other. Yelling and saying harmful things we truly don’t mean are always wrong ways to react no matter what, but that’s what happens when someone doesn’t know or have practice handling arguments the right way. Most of the time, the problems themselves aren’t the problem, but how they’re handled is. Often when one pushes someone they love away, that’s actually when they need them closest the most.
When one subconsciously has a need for a kind of affection for a long time that they aren’t getting, they remain in constant need and it shows physically. At the same time, a misunderstanding of their true needs by their partner can cause them to feel the need to push away from the comparatively unfulfilling closeness that they would have together instead and perceive the excess as clingy or smothering.
There are different types of infidelity other than sexual, and one of them is emotional infidelity. When neither of us can understand the root cause of the problems between us (a lack of understanding of the other’s needs), it’s possible for the emotional attachment needed in a loving relationship to be sought elsewhere: online games, friends/family, addictions, other hobbies, etc. Although it’s not the same as sexual cheating, it can most often feel the same and resentment can build so much that little things that should ordinarily never cause such distance can create a tear in a relationship that used to be impervious to such frivolities.
Arguing or even discussing problems during the time when relationships are most vulnerable to despair (a time lacking communication or understanding) is the wrong time to even deal with the problems at all. A couple who still believe they love each other, who deep down feel there is still a spark that can reignite what once was ablaze, have to work together as a unified team to understand one another and “get happy” with each other before anything else can be fixed. A marriage isn’t a “couple of individuals”, it’s a single being. When one of us feels happiness or pain, the other feels it too, and if that connection still exists, it needs to be harnessed to make anything else happen.
You must value your happiness to curb the impulse of being angry in the same manner that you must value your healthy diet to curb the impulse of overeating. Behave according to your values, goals, and objectives — and not your impulses. In doing so, your life becomes the function of your centered inner guide, and not a function of any harmful stimuli around you.
