What would you do if you had a roommate that just shit on themselves several times a day, puked on your shirt after you were nice enough to give them food, walked around with no shirt on like there was nothing wrong, screamed at you any time they get annoyed or want attention, and contributed absolutely nothing to the house? Because that’s what babies do.

And people have the nerve to call those little shit factories “cute”. There’s nothing cute about a little tiny dude who can’t control his bodily functions and hangs out in a bag of his own shit, babbling like an incoherent drunk. And don’t tell me about how nice they smell. They only smell like that because you spend all fucking day scooping poop out of their ass cracks and washing them. They don’t smell like babies. They smell like diaper wipes and milk. A baby smells like feces, urine, and sour body odor, plus whatever they’ve spilled on themselves during the day.

So, yeah…. Babies are gross. You’re not changing my mind on this one. You can swear up and down on how wonderful your baby is, but unless the little parasite has gotten past all the stuff I just listed, keep that little shit-dispenser/noise-maker/dream-ruiner away from me.